Oh, hello. This is awkward, isn’t it? You are either a friend or family member that decided to check out this new little blog o’mine… or someone who is browsing through blog after blog looking for something interesting to pass away the time at your dead end job. I know from experience.
That brings me to my first point. I quit that dead end job a little over a month ago. That’s right, I am unemployed. Or as I like to correct people with a knowingly condescending smile, Professionally Awesome. Yup. I did the unthinkable. I quit a job “without having another lined up? WHAT? Are you mental?! How are you going to survive?! You are going to be living in a cardboard box on the side of the road eating the cheese growing between your toes because you haven’t had a pedicure!”
However, I think of it as escaping My Own Private Auschwitz. It was necessary to my own survival. I spent eight years in that concentration camp, and I didn’t lose a fucking pound. I am also keeping up with my pedicures.
Don’t worry, I’ll fill you in on the horrible and funny and horribly funny from that shithole in future posts. Also, I swear. And am frequently inappropriate. So if you have a problem with that, there’s the “door”. (Being that there is the Internet, there is no physical door, but you know what I mean)
So, I’m 31. Professionally Awesome. Answering my least favorite question “So, what are you going to do?” with… “Not sure yet.” Maybe this blog will help me figure it out. Maybe not. But MAYBE.
From my Sam Christensen Image Process class (highly recommended)… people found me to be: Natural, Silly, Clever, Attractive, Defiant, Comfortable, Deep/Soulful, Hopeful, Curious, Naughty, Honest, Adorable, Fierce, Compassionate, and Disappointed. I am not sure if any of these people are confirmed liars.
Things that will DEFINITELY be in my blogs:
My boyfriend, my bunnies (before you comment about this, please see www.rabbit.org), my swim team, swim gear and products, how father time in the lane next to me is faster than I am, my dysfunctional family, makeup, fashion, politics, books, utter nonsense, miscellaneous crap about Los Angeles, comedy, music, the WWE (don’t judge!), any crime show on TV, my old crappy job, finding a new crappy job that’s hopefully not as crappy… you get the idea.
Things that MAY be in my blogs:
Your boyfriend, your dysfunctional family, your crappy blog, finding a thesaurus to find a replacement word for crappy, your fantastic blog, buying a new car, adopting dogs from a rescue, what not to say on an interview, and my sordid past, including famous ex-husbands/boyfriends. Cuz really, fuck them. But then again… karma?
Things that will definitely NOT be in my blogs:
I don’t see myself talking about silkworms or shotput or Wisconsin… but you NEVER KNOW.
See you tomorrow. Or not. I won’t be offended. Actually, I’ll be more hurt than offended. I’m ridiculously sensitive like that. But I’ll play it off that you suck, versus my blog not being funny/interesting/insightful, or maybe you just don’t have time tomorrow because you have your own life that doesn’t revolve around my blog. I get it. I’ll learn to understand. I’ll put it in my “God box”.
Neurotically not erotically yours,
Sheridan
