i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

——-

No resolutions this year… but embracing the #themeword idea I discovered on twitter.

So, my #themeword for 2010?

COURAGE.

**flex muscles**

**shrug shoulders**

**grin**

I am a machine! Another 6 mile run, 600 calorie, clothes drenched in sweat workout! It is so utterly cathartic I am addicted to going and purging my body of sweat, toxins, and all the bullshit weighing on my mind. And there is a lot of it lately.

The gym has replaced the pool – though it does have a pool, I am too much of a wuss to brave the chilly night air. Plus there is just this raw satisfaction I get from my feet pounding again and again and again.

I’ve been going every day for a few weeks now. Friends keep saying that they wish I had my dedication, which I know I’ve said to gym rodent types for years. Here’s what it is: you just fucking do it. That’s the only difference. My trainer put me on a machine for an hour. I thought – I can’t do this! Start me off at 20 minutes! My heart rate was through the roof… but I did it. So I did it again the next day. And the next… now I plan my day around when I am going to the gym.

An hour is a long time, though. My mind gets bored easily. Here’s what gets me through:

-IPOD… killer workout mix is NECESSARY! Mine changes from day to day. Sometimes I love booming hip hop or rap. Sometimes I want angry industrial music. Sometimes I even want slow indie sadness.

-AGGRESSION! Take out all of your aggression (nice word for HATE) out on that stupid machine. Think of someone who has just thoroughly disappointed you. Now fight through the pain and sweat by just hating and swearing (in your mind, other gym goers will frown on you talking to yourself in obscenities) them.

-Think of how hot you look! Or how hot you are going to look!

-People watch

I have a hard time doing ANYTHING for an entire hour. But if I break it into 10 minute segments, I find I am able to handle it. What I do is I allow myself a drink of water every time I’ve completed 10 minutes. So at 49:00, 39:00, 29:00, 19:00, 9:00.

There’s no secret to any of this…

…this being life.

It is just a matter of shutting your mouth and brain and insecurities up long enough to DO IT.

So write that book. Take that class. Call that friend. Go in that store. Start that diet. Go in that gym.

The only difference between you and THEM… is that they made a decision and did it.

I’ve been putting together my inspiration book… I go through all of my magazines of the last year and cut out pictures that make my heart jump for some reason… maybe colors, makeup, Jennifer Aniston’s hair color, cool accessories, etc… and I paste it in a book. I can’t scrapbook my OWN photos, but for some reason I like doing this. It is no work of art, but when I shop or do my makeup (or someone else’s) I hone in on what I like.

I realized I am inspired by 3 different looks (for the most part)… Which I think are the three sides of me, based on where I’ve lived…

1) CALIFORNIA beach casual. Bronzed skin, light dewy makeup… maybe bohemian, maybe surfer or skater chick. Soft, buttery t-shirts in pastels or heather grey (preferably by James Pearse, Splendid, C&C or Michael Stars). Flip flops.  Ocean. Wavy, salty, beach hair… high lights. Role model: Jennifer Aniston

2) EAST COAST COLLEGIATE… preppy but a little messy… short, plaid, pleated skirts… knee-high socks and boots, white button downs a little disheveled… headbands… clean, matte makeup… red lipstick (MAC Russian Red)… Books. Browns. Trees. Train cases. Burberry. Role Model: Reese Witherspoon

3) MIDWEST/SOUTHERN GIRL: White tank top and worn-in jeans. Hello sexy! Cowboy boots. Pony tails. Checked shirts. Big earrings. Big, unabashed smiles. Laughter. Y’all. Football games. Sweatshirts for the hometown team. Home cooked food! Strong women like Paula Dean. Cut-offs. Role Model: Friday Night Lights cast

Did you survive? Did you get some good loot? Or a scratchy JC Penney sweater and reindeer socks? I made out supurbly (highly recommend amazon wish lists)… but there are a couple of items on my radar… looking for recession worthy discounts! Aside: all of my favorite designer discount sites: gilt.com, hautelook.com, ideeli.com, thefairest.com, beyondtherack.com have spoiled me. Anything less than 50% off is no longer a sale! Preferably 80 or 90 percent off! It is ridiculous… I look at something and go… “um. no. I want it to be 10 dollars.” Whatta cheapo.

Anyway… on my watch list…

Clarisonic! These are supposed to be AMAZING. Even jaded Los Angeles facialists are using them with enthusiasm! While Sephora.com IS having a very worthwhile sale (as long as you are not as pale as I am), this ain’t on their list… Right now, still around 200.

The Zuca case! Best pro makeup carrying case around… MAC pro has its own version, but is sold out.
I like the purple… it is different enought that you can spot it easily, but also in a dark color so as to not show all the road rash cases can get. Available for $130 (good deal on a pro makeup case!!!) at Frendsbeautysupply.com Comes in a bunch of different colors.

I think for the fifth year in a row, I did NOT get a pair of Frye boots.

Aside number two: I love boots + (tights, if cold) + socks + skirt… I think there is nothing sexier on a lady… makes me feel like a superfox. While the Frye ones are on my lust list… victoriassecret.com is having a MUST list sort of sale on their boots. I think I am too short for the new over-the-knee trend. But knee high boots are my bff. Strappy heels got NOTHING on a good pair of boots.

But if cost were now issue… these would be on my tootsies…

$328 on thefryecompany.com

Flannel PJs are also on my list… but I think they are probably on sale in abundance. In fact, Nick and Nora and Paul Frank are good options at Target, as well as victoriassecret.com

And for all my homegirls facing some cold weather… I am LOVING Coal’s accessories. Including a knit burka and a modified, chic ski mask!

 From Karmaloop – who is having a 40% site wide sale!

Also checkout Coalheadwear.com for stylish, warm and awesome winterwear.

 I think this dress from Intuition (Shopintuition.com) is super cute!

Red Dalia! I am excited to try it. Hot! Available at Sephora.

 If I had somewhere fancy to go, I’d wanna wear this.  I’d feel like a ballerina princess! By Cynthia Rowley, available at Shopbop

 Wearing this with a plain white t-shirt and jeans = coolest girl in the room. Again, shopbop

From Ron Herman… ugh. I love it. Kill me.

I’m a fan. From Kiston.

 Sgt. Pepper coat! From Fred Flare! So cute!

Adorable and affordable, from Mod Cloth. To wear over a pair of jeans. The one below too!

Sassy!